Where to Be or Where Not to Be

That’s is the true question I ask myself everyday. This question lies heavy upon me and I’m overwhelmed with all my options. I walked, tasted, smelled, touched many beautiful landscapes. Explored cities, travelled countries and fallen in love with places. I lived and  adapted to diffrent cultures, accepted the truth of me as Not the Homecoming Kind. I moved spontanuasly, my relocations happened on emotional impulse, impulse telling me to go. And my build-in compass told me Where to go everytime. I never analysed it and never questioned the choices I made. Just packed and went with the wind. It was easy.

Recently my style has changed. A lot. I feel lost and confused by this new approach to my changeful life. Obsessed with this one question. And it has a huge effect on my soul and state of my mind. I think and rethink my next steps more carefully, I put my new ideas under the microscope and calculate my next move. I analyse deeply where I want to go next and what environment do I want to live in. Seems like I want make some super wise decision that will tick all the boxes – searching for a place of perfection that doesn’t exist, which changes the way I pick my paths. I am getting strong impulse to go, but not receiving any signals from my compass on where.

Could it be that places give us peace of mind, a happiness? I thought happiness is inside my heart no matter where I go, I take it with me. But could my happiness depend on where I am? If so, am I where I should be?

Where to be or Where not to be ? 

Don’t get confused, I have a suspicion it started with that awkward age I reached last summer. Am I running out of places I could live in or am I looking for the perfect nest?

In response to Daily Prompt: Can’t get it out of my head 

Lookin’ Out My Back Door

Looking out my back doors, I see the reason why I moved here. My garden. The garden is the reason why I went thru stressful relocation of our four cats from Hong Kong to Dubai. I wanted to give them a better life, no just more space, but outdoors life. Now when I look outside I understand, I gave them more then just a garden. I gave them a whole new world of hunting, running, climbing and chasing smaller creatures in the grass. With flies and birds flying into the garden, I have discovered their hunting skills, I never knew they had. Looking out my back door I see an environment full of opportunities to hunt, to run, to jump, to explore. Thru eyes of a cat.

Every time I look thru the doors into my garden to find them all stretched out napping so relaxed, I know, undertaking a very stressful long distance journey was all worth it and the view of my cats in the garden is my reward. That is what I see when looking out my back doors, my happy cats.

But if you looked yourself into my garden you would have a very different view. You would see a lovely good-size garden with very inviting space to relax, to read a book or to enjoy a glass of wine in garden gazebo. You would see a garden with peaceful and quiet atmosphere, surrounded by trees and flowers, listening to the little birds twittering.

Image

In response to Daily Prompt: Lookin’ Out My Back Door 

Are You Fashion Forward Ready?

FFWD is the only Fashion kind I know of, that never arrives fashionably late. Yes, the time has come to talk fashion, I know, we have never actually stopped talking about fashion. But for the 3rd time we can talk fashion while taking high tea with designers and buyers in the Fashion Café.

Are you going forward for the FFWD 3rd edition?

Do you have your best outfits ready for the 3 day event, full of catwalk presentations, inspiring talks and panel discussions as well as the parties? Do you have your act together so striking or impressive to turn heads during fashion shows? Well, get ready, because we are all proud of being a part of FFWD from the very begging and following two extremely successful seasons, the creators behind Dubai’s most amazing fashion event, will bring you oh-so-much-more extravaganza in SEASON THREE.

So while you sitting there with your hair rollers in and your nails drying, see everything you need to know about Fashion Forward, check the schedule for all the events not to be missed in FFWD’s 3rd edition! I bet, you don’t want to miss out on chatting to British fashion model and style icon Alexa Chung, during a question and answer session entitled In Conversation With Alexa Chung. See, I told you so, now, hurry up and register for a chance to attend Alexa’s talk!

For all information on schedule, registration, talks and designers visit www.fashionforward.com  20140227_Fashion-Forward-2014

Register, get your tickets, dress to impress, hang your best designer bag over your shoulder and indulge in everything fashion for 3 days in FFWD season three at The Madinat Jumeirah, Dubai from April 10-13

My husband texts and drives ..

.. while I am the passenger in next seat to him, yes in ‘the death seat’. Anyone’s husband here does that too? He also drives fast. Everyone does in Dubai, superheroes in their supercars racing.

‘Ping!’ New email, he slides to unlock to read his email, while coming off the roundabout. I wonder what happened, when did we get this far in our relationship? I mean we haven’t been married that long!

I know I was hypnotised by  the diamond at the time, but I clearly remember him saying ‘I can’t live my life without you’ like a scared little boy standing on the Brooklyn bridge with the perfect backdrop of New York, almost falling apart right in front of me ‘you are everything to me’ shaking uncontrollably, swallowing his words, me thinking; Stop gibbering, what are you saying, what do you mean, where is this going, why you acting weird? He continues ‘you are my only family’ whats going on, oh my god no no no not now, I’m not ready for this, I mean my hair, my makeup, my dress, I started to get aware of people gathering around us, I can hardly understand his words staring into his face trying to read, thinking what is going on? he kneels down ‘I love you’ oh baby stop shivering please, are you proposing to me? I don’t understand a word you saying .. Oh My! Look at that Diaaaammoooond!

Will you merry me? a moment to remember, I smile. See it here. 

Smiling, back in the car ‘please stop texting or stop the car and I will walk’ My husband assumes that he can handle texting or emailing while driving and still says that he can’t imagine his life without me. He quickly recognises my serious tone in my voice and puts the phone down. I look outside in different cars and noticed many drivers preoccupied with their cellphone. I see texting and driving is a growing trend, but it is not safe, statistics don’t lie. Do also drivers assume they can handle killing someone? No text, no email, no update is worth a human life.

I have never seen a woman behind a wheel texting or emailing, while driving. Yeah maybe, singing, applying lipgloss or mascara, only after stopping at red light, of course. When you look at the females drivers, they mostly are sitting up straight with their gaze glued to the road ahead, fully concentrating. Women are more careful drivers, we take extra second to check the road twice before we move, or just wait when there is nothing to wait for. Yes, women have more accidents, but only as little as bumps and scratches, but men are more dangerous drivers. Men have too much testosterone on the pedal, as they always think they are racing. Women are just looking to get from A to B. Life is not about what you drive, but how you drive.

Clearly, I have the solution on how to effectively deal with this problem, since the ban on all drivers from using cellphones for any purpose when behind the wheel doesn’t work. We need to ban all male drivers, this is a real issue that, unfortunately, needs to be addressed. Image

Also we are much prettier drivers.

Not the Homecoming Kind

Image

‘When are you coming home?’ hearing voice of my mum over the phone ‘When are you going to settle somewhere?’ Every-time. Same questions get answered by the very same silence. My stomach turns upside down and I swallow the truth.

Living in different places, made me flexible more adaptable and emotionally so much stronger. My life has been a constant change. Change of places, cities, countries, continents, friends, apartments and houses. Just when I think I settled somewhere, made it home, created my own circle of friends, gained a social status or work recognition. I get this urge to go. I don’t know where my home is. I like it everywhere. I don’t feel tied to one place. I live on planet Earth and that is how much I can pint point where I feel at home. I believe, I am not meant to live in one place. There is only as much as you can learn in one place. And not change is easy, so is not moving countries. Every time you move, you start form zero. Right from the bottom. Again. Every place has it’s own unique heartbeat. It’s own way of how things get done. Shortcuts. Hidden gems and secrets. Hot spots. Smell. Etiquette. Different mix of people. Culture. Pulse. Rhythm. All to learn, respect, adapt and accept. Even if you know couple of people, you have no social status, no recognition. So why do I do it? I guess I love ‘new’ and dislike ‘easy’. When things get easy and comfortable I get bored. When a place has nothing to offer me anymore. Doesn’t teach or no longer surprises me, I feel I’m done. The time passes and I have to move. I just know deep down in my soul I have to go. My mum may not fully understand the good in this unsettled, changeful, temperamental, unpredictable moving yet, but I do believe it is there.

Or at least – It is who I am.

Change your word to change your world

I got lost. I turn into a person who’s the opposite of who I normally am. Or that’s just my Dark-side of me, I didn’t know I had and now, I will share it with you all. I have criticised a place, I have blamed others, I gave an opinion with all the bad energy of my word behind it. I said you were fake, empty and lifeless. And you have accepted my opinion and gave me exactly that. But I know only hurt people hurt and I hurt you, because I was hurting inside. I was tired, stressed and full of emotional pain caused by a disappointment and change. I wanted it to be easy and painless transition. But it wasn’t easy and I have become a destroyer of everything around me with my harsh words.
All my life I used my words to create the most beautiful dream, that I was living. I shared love, I spoke love, I saw beauty everywhere. So when have I enslaved myself to negative thoughts? Did my emotional state turn me against myself? Feeding myself with my own poison, living in the past and blind to the truth. My own words slowly building the walls of hate closing on me, I’m suffocating, I can barely breathe.
The truth was, it was me who was fake, empty and lifeless. I insulted you and you insulted me back. I was selfish with you, you were selfish with me. Missing my dream of the past so much, that I am unable to see and enjoy the dream that was happening for me right now.

ImageI know If I love you, then you will love me back.

If I look up to you, you will look up to me.

If I accept you, you will accept me.

Morning cup of thoughts

In the car this A.M. me and my husband, it is lovely sunny morning and we are on our way to work. I glance at the clock on the radio, actually only at the minutes digits and realize we are good with the time and could use those spare minutes to go grab a coffee before we get into the office. I mean, life doesn’t get better then having Starbucks grande late before you start the day. My husband tells me we already pass it and its too far behind us. So I quickly remembered my friend told me very recently, there is a new Starbucks in JLT – the area where our office is located but on the other side, in cluster Y. My husband turns the car around in a quest for Starbucks.

We arrive at cluster Y and drive around looking for signs of Starbucks, but it doesn’t seem like there is one here, so we stop and ask the car-park employee ‘Good morning, excuse me do you know where is the Starbucks around here? He looks at me ‘Star .. ?’ I say loud and clear ‘Starbucks please’ He shakes his head of not understanding or more likely of not knowing what exactly am I asking for, like he had never heard of Starbucks. So we move on to some two shop employees standing outside, interrupting they conservation ‘Sorry guys do you know where Starbucks is?’ I smile. They both pause and stare at me ‘Star What?’ At this point I think; is it me or these people just walked out of a cave? I repeat ‘Starbucks please’ They gaze at each-other ‘Star.. Whaaaaat ?’ both confused by my out of this world question, scanning the surroundings for some clue or something.

Maybe for an escape. I definitely need a coffee now, it will not fix these people but at least it will wake me up, because this just cannot be real!

My Coffeeology.

images