Hooo are You ?

Totally Night Owl. Also, trying hard to live on early bird schedule (my husband) otherwise we would never actually see eachother. I wish I liked waking up in the mornings, or morning people, or my annoying husband at those way too early hours of the day .. I do.

But for me It’s easier to stay awake all night long, then to wake up. I get angry when woken up, then spend my whole day exhausted, moody, sleepy, unpleasant. Until 7 PM. Time I awaken. (The very same time my husband snoozes off on the sofa in front of the TV) Time I come fully alive and become mindful. My energy rising. My creativity flowing. I start thinking, loving, dreaming, working, creating, playing, writing. I go for a run or I clean the house. I play with my cats and come up with new amazing ideas. I study. I visualise. I plan. I want to go out, hypnotised by the moon. My eyes wide open, my mind truly aware, enjoying the stillness, my own solitude and mystery of the night time.

2 AM I realize it’s a bad idea staying up so late, knowing even all the coffee beans in Starbucks (that is if I find it- read here) won’t make me a morning person. I know for sure, I will regret and suffer the very same zombie effect the next day again. So I go to bed, I lie next to my snoring husband quietly, pushing my cat off my pillow gently. I close my eyes .. One sheep, two sheep .. ‘Ping’ I slide to unlock my phone to read my emails. I adjust the screen brightness, mute the phone and post tweets hash-tagged #ICantSleep then open an Instagram to check all new photos posted by my friends. Before I know it, I hear the birds in the garden begin twittering. It is 4.30 AM – OMG I did it again. Time to sleep, I push my phone under my pillow.. By 6 AM I fall asleep deeply and beautifully into the new day.

Then again I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.

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In response to Daily Prompt: Are you a night owl or are you the early bird?

Show your Marriage some Love

I say it – Marriage is not easy. Yes. Not. Easy. That is the barehearted truth. I apologise in advance if you about to get married, planning your wedding or you dreaming of getting married one day, having much prettier idea of life in marriage. And you should get married, because it is truly beautiful commitment. You decide if you want to read on or stop reading now.

For those who are married, we all know, it’s not a breaking news, but no one is talking about it until is too late. Then it gets to a point that you need to talk about it in smallest details going way back when.. he did, she did .. to some other person and pay crazy money for someone else to listen to your story, only to find out where it all started. I refuse to wait until I get there. I say it from day one I got married, it is not easy. That doesn’t mean, there is something wrong with us, we are very happy, but I’m not going to keep silence about the fact that life in marriage is not easy. You would think, being together for a serious number of years, being happy in love, marriage will not change what we have, most probably you would think it will seal it and make it stronger – one even better unit. Yes I did too.

But it took me by surprise, when I found myself straggling inside of this idea of husband and wife inside of this legal, formal union.

We are two people, that love eachother so much and decided on forever. We might have something in common, but we are two individuals, we might think we share the same dream or vision, but that is impossible for two people to have identical dreams. So we both think and picture what marriage is, differently.

I entered the marriage with some idea of how my husband should be and he has an image of his perfect wife crystal clear in his head. Expectations. Ofcourse I had no expectations of my boyfriend, at all. But somehow I do of my husband, I expect him to be, act and behave certain way to fit this idea of who my husband is. The only one and the same thing we share really, is the same goal – to be together. We expect something from eachother from the day we exchanged the rings in the chapel and the comitment of our promise, planted seeds of expectations. We expect things from eachother and if it doesn’t happen, we blame eachother for not fulfilling our expectations. But..

True Love has no expectations.

Marriage creates great expectations, grows them bigger day by day, pushing love out slowly. I now let go of figuring out and trying to fit us both into this thing called marriage, because I like being in love. I stop expecting and show my marriage some love.

PS: Unedited post sent by tonkadella from my iPad while traveling

Make Me Smile

tonkadella’s things in life that I can count on to put smile on my face.

Smiling babies. My cat Dolly. Laughing babies. My cat Tubby. Cat in a box. Morning cup of coffee with Raspberry. Koffey waiting for something to come out of a bathtub. A cosmopolitan. Sunset. Funny babies. The Beach. Real people with passion. And a cat in a box. Shhh Koffey still waiting in a bathtub. Traveling with my husband. Being watched at all times. Did I say a cat in a box? Being silly with my sister. Chocolate banana pancakes. Raspberry does yoga. Okay cat on the shelf for a change. The Sun. Sea. Every new day. Sunrise. And me never left alone.

Daily Prompt: Make Me Smile

Read a post by Cabin Pressure May Change blog, that made me smile too, here. 

Cupid came with Koffey

This is a continuation to my Must Love Cats post.

Where I have explained how the 3rd cat, our sweet Raspberry happened to us. I owe you one more explanation, a story about Koffey, our 4th cat. Do you remember the pet shop, I used to go to and my friendly relation with the shop owner, called Frank? Yes, the same guy who sold us Raspberry. I kept regularly going to his shop to get everything I needed for my at the time, three babies. It had been like five months, since we added Raspberry to our little big family, then. One of those days, we went to shop for cats supplies and as soon as I walked in, Frank greets me with huge smile on his face. His eyes glowing. ‘Hello, how are you’ walks towards me smiling ‘I have this cat upstairs, some couple got divorced and just dropped the cat into my shop, you have to see’

My boyfriend interrupts Frank quickly ‘No, no, no, she doesn’t need to see a cat, we already have three cats at home, thanks to yours sad stories you feeding my girlfriend with, remember? Remember you sold us a cat with broken tongue? Look Frank, just let us get some food and toys, we do not need no more cats, thank you’
Frank smiles cheekily and disappears somewhere into back of his shop, leaving us to browse. Next minute I turn around, he stands in front of me with this beautiful huge cat in his arms. ‘He is one year old, I give you for free’ I sight heavily ‘Aw Frank, he is beautiful, but I can’t .. beautiful eyes, I stroke the cat, he is so soft, so cuddly, I CANNOT..  I glance at Steve and say ‘he has got blue eyes just like yours’

Steve comes to us and takes the cat into his arms ‘Wow It is a big boy, really cute, but baby we can not have more cats’ I nod in agreement and shake my head ‘No’ to Frank. I sit silently in a car on our way back home. Thinking, of how people could just get rid of their pets so easily. He looked scared and traumatised. Being dropped in pet shop, must be shocking experience.. I kept staring out of the window and say ‘We are his second chance for a good life and loving family .. and Raspberry could have a boyfriend’

Steven looks at me in disbelieve ‘I thought we got Raspberry as a girlfriend for Tubby’

Okay, I know, I got caught in all my tricks now, I don’t know what else to say. I try my last move on Steven ‘We could call him Koffey’ I smile and justify ‘because of his cafe late colour, but mostly after John Coffey, the gentle giant character! – in Green Mile movie, played by Michael Clarke Duncan.

No, giving him name, didn’t work this time. I understand I am done at this point. For next two days I keep thinking about Koffey and talk to few friends about him, trying to find him a new home. On Sunday morning Steve got up and told me he is going to pick up some dry-cleaning, that he is in need for clean shirts for work. When I woke up a while later, I thought to myself, I don’t remember dropping any shirts to dry-cleaners, but I didn’t pay attention to that knowing at all. Anyway it was way too early for my brain to work. So I made myself coffee and sat on the sofa turned the TV on and kept changing the channels, because that is just the way I watch TV. I don’t really watch it. I heard a lift stopped on our floor and sensed that Steve is back, I looked at our main door of our apartment, when the door is pushed wide open.

Steve standing there with Koffey in his arms.

Koffy

Our Gentle Giant Koffey

One is Easy x Two are just so Funny x Third is a Big Surprise x Fourth a Sweet Gift

Meet my all cat-troubles here.

If I Could Turn Back Time

If I could experience the wonderful bits from my past again, I would go back to London to time when I met my husband, I would go back to Dubai to that special, unforgettable moment of our first ‘I Love You’ To Barcelona to re-live our first christmas together again. I would turn back time to that instant second of my first visit to Incredible India. To those wonderful times spent in Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand. Back to that day, when we relocated to Hong Kong, to that feeling of excitement, me jumping up and down on top of the hotel bed. Oh and back to Disneyland! Back to that point of time, me standing on top of the Great Wall of China, not being able to take it all in, overwhelmed.

Back to Turtle Island, Shanghai, Tokyo, Philippines. And Canada, to be blown away by Niagara falls, once more. Back to the days in New York, to that magical while on Brooklyn Bridge flooded with emotions, my pap-proposal. Countless times back to my beautiful Bali, back to my Wedding day, the sight of you waiting by the altar. And back to lazy days in breathtaking, dreamy Maldives …

But the truth is, I don’t want to turn back time. The past are memories, the future a dream and all we ever have is now. A present moment. Where, I like to be. Because now is just as amazing, now, is the time to create those memories and life just gets better by moments.

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In response to Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time

Links to other time travellers I like:

That Montreal Girl goes back to fun times where we were not connected to any machine 24/7
Alexia Jones goes back to the best compliment she ever got as a teacher

Drives Me Crazy

What drives you crazy?

If you asked me a year ago, I would name a full list of things that drive me crazy, like my husband’s socks on the floor, open toothpaste by the sink with no lid to be find, my PMS, yes that means my period knocking on my door, sticky jam all over my kitchen counter – a message left by my husband for me to know, he had toast with jam for breakfast. But no more, I became fully aware of all this little things driving me crazy are part of being alive, breathing and living life. And by that, I mean my own life, living with my husband and dealing with my own hormones.

But I will tell you, something has been driving me crazy for a year now. I’m frustrated and exhausted from it. I tell you, what really drives me crazy. It calls – Pain and Discomfort. It calls – Mouth ulcers. Never had them before.

I have been suffering from Mouth ulcers on my tongue and I will not post any pictures here, because if you saw it you would go ‘ Ouch’ or ‘ Crap’ and some of you would use some swear word – it would make sense you know, you would understand my pain. Trust me you don’t want to see it. But for those of you, who do not know what mouth ulcers are; they are painful round or oval sores that form in the mouth, most often on the inside of the cheeks or lips. (What I would give for having it on the cheeks or lips instead!) Oral ulcers appear largely for unknown reasons. Mouth ulcers cause pain and discomfort, in my case, having in on my tongue, it unable me to speak, drink and eat. Yes, read it again I said SPEAK – I can’t speak. Only when you get a big sore on your tongue, only then you learn that tongue never stays still. Even when I am not drinking, eating or speaking, even when totally relaxed, the tongue is moving. Through this year I visited few doctors and tried numerous of medicines. From all kinds of gels, mouthwashes, tablets to herbal teas and gargles. And if you know of some kind of remedy, that I haven’t tried yet, please share and I will give it a go. I am so desperate for a treatment, that even if you would try to fool me with some nonsense remedy, you would surely succeed.

It is a painful, unbearable stinging pain, every time my tongue touches teeth or gums or even when I yawn and the tongue’s muscle stretches, it feels like the ulcer is tearing apart deeper. Sneezing is out of this world, as I’m trying to hold my tongue still, to make sure it doesn’t rub against anything in my mouth, I sneeze with my mouth wide open. Yeah, so elegant. Talking became a luxury I cannot afford at the time I have an ulcer. Even my husband misses me talking, how unbelievable. ‘Baby I never seen you so silent’ holding silence for 6 to 7 days, that is a serious time for a talkative person like me. Ulcers come to me now regularly, like every month, are you thinking what Im thinking? Resembles a similar periodic appearance of menstruation, I know.

Well mouth ulcers drive me crazy, I get very frustrated unable to enjoy daily life. Frustrated by the pain and discomfort caused. Sometime I cry from the stinging, burning, agonising, raw pain. Sometimes I cry from the helplessness. Drives me crazy, makes me annoyed, irritated, powerless, frustrated, vulnerable, weak, paralysed, unable, upset and my poor husband then deals with it all.

I think my husband should write a post – She Drives Me Crazy

Read my favourite, highly annoyed Edward Hotspur’s post  here. 

Born to Be With You

Not soul-mates or best friends. No compatibility or similarity. No spirituality. Nothing in common. They do not share the same background, beliefs or opinions. Both have different values in life. Just two people really wanting to be together. They found something raw and wild in their connection, to run with it. She, in a search for his soul.   Him, in a quest for her strength.

Teaching, inspiring and pushing each other, they decided on forever.

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