attention seeker

his hands 
touching someone else, 
his face 
more open 
and direct
full of enjoyment
eyes shining
enjoyment smile
loud laugh
just like a kid
in the school-yard
it's him
it's 
.. .......
trying so hard. 

-by tonkadella
on attention seeking behaviour in adults

too many times

too many times
I kept silent
and again
I let the conversation to 
evaporated .. 
But your words
Stay
to do the work
like some parasites 
who feed on its host
and 
Once grown
they release powerful mind-controlling 
chemicals

and change their host. 
- by tonkadella

separated heartbeats

our hearts are so distant now.
they can’t hear the beat,
they too far.
sound of the Heartbeat, 
they used to beat 
together.
The distance grows
the Heart gripped by fear.
Fear of losing that 
familiar beat.
the heartbeat,
that is home.
losing home .. 
The heart 
must find a way
to communicate!
and so .. 

it Shouts.

- by tonkadella

Too loud

Words have no value in this harsh exchange.
Too loud.
Noise.
Hurt talks.
Like a wild burning fire fueling itself.
Feeding itself.
Watering itself.
Loud noise.
Two puppets of Pain
in this game.
But if this is the only way .. okay,
Yell.
Do it again 
and again.
Too loud.
If this is the way
You can deal
then be it the way.

Exhaust me.
- by tonkadella 
Emotional Exhaustion Can Lead to Noise Sensitivity

Heart Opener

An extra room has magically been added to your home overnight. The catch: if you add more than three items to it, it disappears. How do you use it?

Add yoga mat, music and a candle. I would use it for opening my heart once gain, in privacy, securely. I would lie on my back, bend my knees and place my feet flat on the ground. My palms flat on the ground above my shoulders. I would take a deep breath, pressing into my palms, lifting my head, shoulders, and hips off the mat, straightening my arms and legs. The wheel pose – The Heart opener. I feel exposed, vulnerable, weak.

An open heart in my life, means not afraid to love, to share, to open your heart. Which also can be difficult or dangerous if you have closed yourself off for protection against emotional pain. An open heart is beautiful creation. Allows you to willingly give and receive love. I’m opening up in way that feels safe and secure, at my own pace, here in my breathing room.

Benefits

  • increases elasticity and flexibility of the spine
  • strengthens your arms, wrists, abdomen, legs, shoulders and chest
  • opens up the chest and strengthens the lungs
  • energizes you physically and mentally
  • heart opening backbend intended to cure any broken hearts from our past, while allowing ourselves new opportunity for love

wheel

A Name for Yourself

If your name (nickname, blog name) were to become an adjective, what would it mean?

Tonkadellic meaning perfect and heavenly ideal connection in terms of emotional intelligence, empathy, deeper understanding of inner beauty, raw feelings and emotional values. Tonkadellic would stand for harmony of morals, ethics and respect.

Tonkadellian would be  a person practising tonkadellism.

Tonkadellism promoting basic human values, like human compassion, human affection. And in that respect, more sensitivity. In politics tonkadellism would play a very important role. Tonkadellism would be practised simply by compromising to retain peace.

From tonkadellopedia

The Only Witness

When you do something scary or stressful — bungee jumping, public speaking, etc. — do you prefer to be surrounded by friends or by strangers? Why?

Surrounded by friends or strangers? Surprisingly, I have no feelings to this question. Yeah, rare! I have no preference at all. I have no answer. Wow. I think I take my own circumstances as they come. And that doesn’t mean I am fearless. Fearless is impossible. I actually fear almost everything. When I am doing something scary or new, I get stressed, doubtful and nervous. However I feel, no matter what I have to deal with, I am on my own, no matter if I’m surrounded by family, friends or strangers. No one can make a difference, to my pounding heart, my stomach turning or to my body sweating. It is always a personal challenge. It is happening inside of me. Me facing my own fears. No one can face them for me or with me. My fear is invisible to everyone else. At that moment it is just me and my fear alone – face to face. What people can see could be my nervousness. And nervousness surrounding what I want to do is considered a good sign too. I would say that company of strangers teaches me more about who I am as a person in different situations. Be it public speaking or bungee jump.

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