If I stayed

If I stayed I would be proving myself to others,
I had to leave to prove myself to myself. 
If I Stayed I would love myself less,
I had to leave to love myself again. 
If I Stayed I would allow you to make me feel worthless,
I had to leave to see my value. 
If I stayed I would lose myself.
I had to leave to find me.
If I stayed I would be always tired,
I had to leave to become alive.
If I stayed I would watch you hurting me more,
I had to leave to heal.
If I stayed I would suffocate, 
I had to leave to breathe. 

I didn't leave because I stopped loving you, 
I left because I had to love me too.

Wonder

Why does he do that ? 
Why is he angry ? 
Why does he twists things into their opposites?
Why did he say that? 
Why does he feel superior to everyone? 
Why he confuses love with abuse? 
Why is he manipulative?
Why does he enjoy conflict so much? 
Why does he blame me, for what he does? 
Why is he telling people lies? 
Why having a good public image is all he cares for? 
Why control and power is all he fights for ? 
Why everyone else thinks he is Wonderful? 
Deep down in his heart does he know, Why? 

I Wonder .. 
How many times have I asked myself, again and again, I wonder .. 
then I close my eyes and let go, because I know I will never know.

In Response to Daily prompt 

Uncompromising

He Challenged my core beliefs .. 
And suddenly I knew .. it was time to stop compromising .. 
It was time I come to terms with the values 
that I actually believe in my heart.

In response to Daily prompt

attention seeker

his hands 
touching someone else, 
his face 
more open 
and direct
full of enjoyment
eyes shining
enjoyment smile
loud laugh
just like a kid
in the school-yard
it's him
it's 
my husband .. 
trying so hard. 

-by tonkadella
on attention seeking behaviour in adults

your words

many times
I kept silent
again and again
I let the conversation to 
evaporate .. 
But your words
never left me
those hash words
Stay
to incubate 
to do the work
like some parasites 
who feed on its host
they stay 
to incubate 
and 
Once grown
they release powerful 
mind-controlling chemicals
and change their host.
- by tonkadella

separated heartbeats

our hearts are so distant now.
they can’t hear the beat,
they too far.
sound of the Heartbeat, 
they used to beat 
together.
The distance grows
the Heart gripped by fear.
Fear of losing that 
familiar beat.
the heartbeat,
that is home.
losing home .. 
The heart 
must find a way
to communicate!
and so .. 

it Shouts.

- by tonkadella

Too loud

Words have no value in this harsh exchange.
Too loud.
Noise.
Hurt talks.
Like a wild burning fire fueling itself.
Feeding itself.
Watering itself.
Loud noise.
Two puppets of Pain
in this game.
But if this is the only way .. okay,
Yell.
Do it again 
and again.
Too loud.
If this is the way
You can deal
then be it the way.

Exhaust me.
- by tonkadella 
Emotional Exhaustion Can Lead to Noise Sensitivity