How to be what we are Not

Holding in my feelings to spare someone else’s makes me sick. My energy is now trapped, because I did not let it go direct. If directness is honesty, does that mean I lied? Yes, to myself. I have found myself in unpleasant and uncomfortable situation, where I spent my time with someone, I did not want to be with. I did not enjoy one second of it and thought of hundreds of better things and activities I could do instead.

I like to be honest with others, however I got stuck and felt I could not express myself with love, if I was direct. I blocked myself from doing so. In a fear of hurting someone, I said nothing and hurt myself. Now I suffer from my dishonesty to myself. This powerful force of disagreement within myself feels heavy in my stomach. I can not tolerate myself for creating this knot of energies and question my own inner truth.

Only truthfulness could help, but I felt lost for words to soften the truth. I have chosen silence rather then honesty. So I happened to be what I am not, doing things I don’t want to do. Lesson learnt: Always connect with your true feelings and be honest with others.

Joint account – For love or money ?

You are both contributing and it doesn’t matter that you contribute less and your husband much more, because you both giving yours all you have. In marriage, we do not look at math calculations between her withdraws from the account and his deposit to it, because that is how love works. And love is all we need.

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Change your word to change your world

I got lost. I turn into a person who’s the opposite of who I normally am. Or that’s just my Dark-side of me, I didn’t know I had and now, I will share it with you all. I have criticised a place, I have blamed others, I gave an opinion with all the bad energy of my word behind it. I said you were fake, empty and lifeless. And you have accepted my opinion and gave me exactly that. But I know only hurt people hurt and I hurt you, because I was hurting inside. I was tired, stressed and full of emotional pain caused by a disappointment and change. I wanted it to be easy and painless transition. But it wasn’t easy and I have become a destroyer of everything around me with my harsh words.
All my life I used my words to create the most beautiful dream, that I was living. I shared love, I spoke love, I saw beauty everywhere. So when have I enslaved myself to negative thoughts? Did my emotional state turn me against myself? Feeding myself with my own poison, living in the past and blind to the truth. My own words slowly building the walls of hate closing on me, I’m suffocating, I can barely breathe.
The truth was, it was me who was fake, empty and lifeless. I insulted you and you insulted me back. I was selfish with you, you were selfish with me. Missing my dream of the past so much, that I am unable to see and enjoy the dream that was happening for me right now.

ImageI know If I love you, then you will love me back.

If I look up to you, you will look up to me.

If I accept you, you will accept me.