My Awkward Age

I have reached this awkward age, truthfully I haven’t actually been reaching for it, I haven’t even dream about turning 30. My friend told me “don’t worry about hitting 30, is nothing” so I didn’t. Phew! I stayed calm, beyond reach and happy. Until the big day came and I quickly realized, I’m not hitting 30 at all! The 30 is hitting me! Hitting me hard, not only, it slapped me, smacked me, punched me and knocked me out! Left a mark and affected me badly. Can you see how I play drama? It’s true, I’m telling you as it really is. I only then realized that the time passes – for ME too. Ouch, I still can’t believe it. I’m not saying I’m getting old, oh please I’m definitely not reaching for that one.

When my big 30 moved forward at me (in slow motion: it tiptoed over to me undetectably and without any emotion, punched me right in my face) I suddenly became fully aware of the fact that, perhaps I’m not as young and beautiful as I was from my own point of view. Maybe my silly oh sooo human mind, just got mean to me, maybe resisting ageing, my mind mistreated me and gave me some good beating. And it worked!

My mind created a very negative relationship with myself. With all of us! Me, myself, my body, my face and I. Together completely lost on the other side – in my thirties. But hey hold on, I don’t know how to do 30! I felt like I was kicked out of Disneyland, knocking on the door hopelessly in the heat of the night, pleaseeee take me back! Self pity, suffering and tears. Dramatic? I agree. Real story tho!

I rejected myself for being 30. This dissatisfying relationship with myself, started slowly reflecting in my relationship with others. I changed. Of course. I was different. I wasn’t aware that I have fallen. I have fallen because in my mind I wasn’t beautiful anymore. It was nothing but my self importance, illusion and false belief that brought me to that fall.

But If I didn’t love myself, how much love could I have to give and share at that point? You do the math. When I became aware of my negative mind and my own fall, I went back to myself, because I know everything I need, I already have. I would like to think that I still have time to practice how to deal with my new unwanted badge and figure out how to age gracefully. I mean I need to get better at this, surely!

ImageHaunted by Charles Hildreth photographer from Denver see his beautiful Gallery here

If I Could Turn Back Time

If I could experience the wonderful bits from my past again, I would go back to London to time when I met my husband, I would go back to Dubai to that special, unforgettable moment of our first ‘I Love You’ To Barcelona to re-live our first christmas together again. I would turn back time to that instant second of my first visit to Incredible India. To those wonderful times spent in Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand. Back to that day, when we relocated to Hong Kong, to that feeling of excitement, me jumping up and down on top of the hotel bed. Oh and back to Disneyland! Back to that point of time, me standing on top of the Great Wall of China, not being able to take it all in, overwhelmed.

Back to Turtle Island, Shanghai, Tokyo, Philippines. And Canada, to be blown away by Niagara falls, once more. Back to the days in New York, to that magical while on Brooklyn Bridge flooded with emotions, my pap-proposal. Countless times back to my beautiful Bali, back to my Wedding day, the sight of you waiting by the altar. And back to lazy days in breathtaking, dreamy Maldives …

But the truth is, I don’t want to turn back time. The past are memories, the future a dream and all we ever have is now. A present moment. Where, I like to be. Because now is just as amazing, now, is the time to create those memories and life just gets better by moments.

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In response to Daily Prompt: If I Could Turn Back Time

Links to other time travellers I like:

That Montreal Girl goes back to fun times where we were not connected to any machine 24/7
Alexia Jones goes back to the best compliment she ever got as a teacher

Born to Be With You

Not soul-mates or best friends. No compatibility or similarity. No spirituality. Nothing in common. They do not share the same background, beliefs or opinions. Both have different values in life. Just two people really wanting to be together. They found something raw and wild in their connection, to run with it. She, in a search for his soul.   Him, in a quest for her strength.

Teaching, inspiring and pushing each other, they decided on forever.

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Morning cup of thoughts

In the car this A.M. me and my husband, it is lovely sunny morning and we are on our way to work. I glance at the clock on the radio, actually only at the minutes digits and realize we are good with the time and could use those spare minutes to go grab a coffee before we get into the office. I mean, life doesn’t get better then having Starbucks grande late before you start the day. My husband tells me we already pass it and its too far behind us. So I quickly remembered my friend told me very recently, there is a new Starbucks in JLT – the area where our office is located but on the other side, in cluster Y. My husband turns the car around in a quest for Starbucks.

We arrive at cluster Y and drive around looking for signs of Starbucks, but it doesn’t seem like there is one here, so we stop and ask the car-park employee ‘Good morning, excuse me do you know where is the Starbucks around here? He looks at me ‘Star .. ?’ I say loud and clear ‘Starbucks please’ He shakes his head of not understanding or more likely of not knowing what exactly am I asking for, like he had never heard of Starbucks. So we move on to some two shop employees standing outside, interrupting they conservation ‘Sorry guys do you know where Starbucks is?’ I smile. They both pause and stare at me ‘Star What?’ At this point I think; is it me or these people just walked out of a cave? I repeat ‘Starbucks please’ They gaze at each-other ‘Star.. Whaaaaat ?’ both confused by my out of this world question, scanning the surroundings for some clue or something.

Maybe for an escape. I definitely need a coffee now, it will not fix these people but at least it will wake me up, because this just cannot be real!

My Coffeeology.

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Monday in Bed

And this is not a “oh lucky me” post. I’m actually not feeling well, I have been attacted by some virus, feeling weak and run down. My loving husband decides to stay with me at home to look after me. I’m not spoiled, my husband just loves me and cares for me so much. Awwww ok now this is “oh lucky me” post .. you would think.

But that actually means I make him poached eggs for breakfast with tea, feed the cats, load the dishwasher, wipe the kitchen, put washing on, while heavy breathing and looking colourless like I’m about to die. He goes to pharmacy to fetch me some medicine for my sore throat.
I woke up this morning thinking I am sick. It looks like I will be sleeping and laying in bed all day. Oh wait, but I am a wife with husband and four cats – let me introduce you. So I do everything around the house that needs to be done until I make myself sick as dog then go to bed to have a rest.

And thats okay because that is how love works. My ultimate sore throat remedy.

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Where is My Post?

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Did you know that you have the only luxury that cost nothing in door to door postal service? I bet you didn’t! Well, let me tell you, because I want you to really appreciate it. So now, please stop singing about Post Code Envy (Lorde!), because there are different luxuries that people have and don’t know about it. And for those of you who do not know what “Post Code Envy” means; it means to resident in a more established or elite area. For example you can have postcode envy for Beverly hills in California known by one of its zip codes 90210, or Manhattan area in New York City or London’s postcode SW3, Knightsbridge, Belgravia, St. John’s Wood, Kensington and Chelsea for example. Hong Kong has many exclusive areas also, you could have post code envy for residencies in Repulse Bay, in the Peak or Stanley. In Dubai it could be the Meadows or the Springs I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah you get it now.
But this is not about the most priciest areas or postcodes, because in Dubai no matter where you live you cannot receive your post the way we know it. And this is how I developed my PSE “Postal Service Envy”
We are all used to a door to door postal service in any other countries. Living in Dubai now and not getting any of my post, my orders, parcels, birthday cards I have done lots of tracking down of my missing post. Just to find out that everything that was ever sent to me was returned to its sender. I quickly realised how special receiving post at your home address is. Unless it is sent by courier companies, only courier with important mail that needs to be tracked can deliver at your residential address, here in Dubai. Door to door postal service does not exist in the UAE. Instead people have to pay for a PO Box system here. Basically I have to rent my own personal P.O Box in my local post office, in order to receive my post. And by “local” we talking at least 20 minutes drive, that is, if you find it of course.  I Take all documents required and the required fees to the post office and get the keys to my box right away, aaaah so happy!
The Key to my Box! The key means so much to me, I feel relived. I am a great online shopper and buy everything from clothes to accessories to shoes to cosmetics to hair products to art all online. Honestly, it feels like receiving gifts. Yes it is a self gifting, my favourite, as I always get exactly what I want! The rental charges for having a box in the post office are shocking, forget the shipping or the actual price of your purchase. Paying for a place so you can actually receive your post and still need to come in opening hours to pick it up yourself, is just a another level of unreasonable expense in Dubai. With this very new system to me, where I don’t get deliveries and surprises at my doorstep anymore I have to plan my trips to the post office. Its kind of like if the christmas doesn’t come to you, you go to get your christmas. Yes the trips to the post office became my new activity of excitement.
So from now on, when you see a post man at your doors, remember what a luxury and privilige you have of receiving your post, as I envy you!

#YouArePowerful

It is your presence that changes reality

You just need to show up