If I stayed I would be proving myself to others, I had to leave to prove myself to myself. If I Stayed I would love myself less, I had to leave to love myself again. If I Stayed I would allow you to make me feel worthless, I had to leave to see my value. If I stayed I would lose myself. I had to leave to find me. If I stayed I would be always tired, I had to leave to become alive. If I stayed I would watch you hurting me more, I had to leave to heal. If I stayed I would suffocate, I had to leave to breathe. I didn't leave because I stopped loving you, I left because I had to love me too.
You might be doing all the right things and the best you can for your relationship, but even doing the best you can is not enough. In fact, doing is never enough, if you neglect Being. The ego knows nothing of Being, but believes you will eventually be saved by doing. If you are in the grip of the ego, you believe that doing more and more you will eventually accumulate enough “doings” to make yourself complete at some point in the future. You won’t.
You will only lose yourself in doing. How do you bring Being into your life and relationships? You are a human being. Mastery of life is not a question of control, but of finding balance between human and Being. Human is form and Being is formless.
From pages 103-105 Role playing, the many faces of the Ego – A New Earth book by Eckhart Tolle
I am trying to reconnect with you, I wish you tried to reconnect with me too. There has been too much distance between the two of us. My feelings were hurt by your actions, on different occasions, because of your own various circumstances. I never told you, because I never planned to hang on to that. I let go of the drama every time, I forgave you there and then. I never got mad at you. No hard feelings at all. I understood your position well in every situation. You can’t hurt me. But I know.. we will never be the same and you will always be my friend.
You will never know that, I can’t get Mad at You.
Whispering Secret Photography by meyrembulucek see more of her work here
Totally Night Owl. Also, trying hard to live on early bird schedule (my husband) otherwise we would never actually see eachother. I wish I liked waking up in the mornings, or morning people, or my annoying husband at those way too early hours of the day .. I do.
But for me It’s easier to stay awake all night long, then to wake up. I get angry when woken up, then spend my whole day exhausted, moody, sleepy, unpleasant. Until 7 PM. Time I awaken. (The very same time my husband snoozes off on the sofa in front of the TV) Time I come fully alive and become mindful. My energy rising. My creativity flowing. I start thinking, loving, dreaming, working, creating, playing, writing. I go for a run or I clean the house. I play with my cats and come up with new amazing ideas. I study. I visualise. I plan. I want to go out, hypnotised by the moon. My eyes wide open, my mind truly aware, enjoying the stillness, my own solitude and mystery of the night time.
2 AM I realize it’s a bad idea staying up so late, knowing even all the coffee beans in Starbucks (that is if I find it- read here) won’t make me a morning person. I know for sure, I will regret and suffer the very same zombie effect the next day again. So I go to bed, I lie next to my snoring husband quietly, pushing my cat off my pillow gently. I close my eyes .. One sheep, two sheep .. ‘Ping’ I slide to unlock my phone to read my emails. I adjust the screen brightness, mute the phone and post tweets hash-tagged #ICantSleep then open an Instagram to check all new photos posted by my friends. Before I know it, I hear the birds in the garden begin twittering. It is 4.30 AM – OMG I did it again. Time to sleep, I push my phone under my pillow.. By 6 AM I fall asleep deeply and beautifully into the new day.
Then again I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.
In response to Daily Prompt: Are you a night owl or are you the early bird?
I say it – Marriage is not easy. Yes. Not. Easy. That is the barehearted truth. I apologise in advance if you about to get married, planning your wedding or you dreaming of getting married one day, having much prettier idea of life in marriage. And you should get married, because it is truly beautiful commitment. You decide if you want to read on or stop reading now.
For those who are married, we all know, it’s not a breaking news, but no one is talking about it until is too late. Then it gets to a point that you need to talk about it in smallest details going way back when.. he did, she did .. to some other person and pay crazy money for someone else to listen to your story, only to find out where it all started. I refuse to wait until I get there. I say it from day one I got married, it is not easy. That doesn’t mean, there is something wrong with us, we are very happy, but I’m not going to keep silence about the fact that life in marriage is not easy. You would think, being together for a serious number of years, being happy in love, marriage will not change what we have, most probably you would think it will seal it and make it stronger – one even better unit. Yes I did too.
But it took me by surprise, when I found myself straggling inside of this idea of husband and wife inside of this legal, formal union.
We are two people, that love eachother so much and decided on forever. We might have something in common, but we are two individuals, we might think we share the same dream or vision, but that is impossible for two people to have identical dreams. So we both think and picture what marriage is, differently.
I entered the marriage with some idea of how my husband should be and he has an image of his perfect wife crystal clear in his head. Expectations. Ofcourse I had no expectations of my boyfriend, at all. But somehow I do of my husband, I expect him to be, act and behave certain way to fit this idea of who my husband is. The only one and the same thing we share really, is the same goal – to be together. We expect something from eachother from the day we exchanged the rings in the chapel and the comitment of our promise, planted seeds of expectations. We expect things from eachother and if it doesn’t happen, we blame eachother for not fulfilling our expectations. But..
True Love has no expectations.
Marriage creates great expectations, grows them bigger day by day, pushing love out slowly. I now let go of figuring out and trying to fit us both into this thing called marriage, because I like being in love. I stop expecting and show my marriage some love.
PS: Unedited post sent by tonkadella from my iPad while traveling
Not soul-mates or best friends. No compatibility or similarity. No spirituality. Nothing in common. They do not share the same background, beliefs or opinions. Both have different values in life. Just two people really wanting to be together. They found something raw and wild in their connection, to run with it. She, in a search for his soul. Him, in a quest for her strength.
.. while I am the passenger in next seat to him, yes in ‘the death seat’. Anyone’s husband here does that too? He also drives fast. Everyone does in Dubai, superheroes in their supercars racing.
‘Ping!’ New email, he slides to unlock to read his email, while coming off the roundabout. I wonder what happened, when did we get this far in our relationship? I mean we haven’t been married that long!
I know I was hypnotised by the diamond at the time, but I clearly remember him saying ‘I can’t live my life without you’ like a scared little boy standing on the Brooklyn bridge with the perfect backdrop of New York, almost falling apart right in front of me ‘you are everything to me’ shaking uncontrollably, swallowing his words, me thinking; Stop gibbering, what are you saying, what do you mean, where is this going, why you acting weird? He continues ‘you are my only family’ whats going on, oh my god no no no not now, I’m not ready for this, I mean my hair, my makeup, my dress, I started to get aware of people gathering around us, I can hardly understand his words staring into his face trying to read, thinking what is going on? he kneels down ‘I love you’ oh baby stop shivering please, are you proposing to me? I don’t understand a word you saying .. Oh My! Look at that Diaaaammoooond!
Smiling, back in the car ‘please stop texting or stop the car and I will walk’ My husband assumes that he can handle texting or emailing while driving and still says that he can’t imagine his life without me. He quickly recognises my serious tone in my voice and puts the phone down. I look outside in different cars and noticed many drivers preoccupied with their cellphone. I see texting and driving is a growing trend, but it is not safe, statistics don’t lie. Do also drivers assume they can handle killing someone? No text, no email, no update is worth a human life.
I have never seen a woman behind a wheel texting or emailing, while driving. Yeah maybe, singing, applying lipgloss or mascara, only after stopping at red light, of course. When you look at the females drivers, they mostly are sitting up straight with their gaze glued to the road ahead, fully concentrating. Women are more careful drivers, we take extra second to check the road twice before we move, or just wait when there is nothing to wait for. Yes, women have more accidents, but only as little as bumps and scratches, but men are more dangerous drivers. Men have too much testosterone on the pedal, as they always think they are racing. Women are just looking to get from A to B. Life is not about what you drive, but how you drive.
Clearly, I have the solution on how to effectively deal with this problem, since the ban on all drivers from using cellphones for any purpose when behind the wheel doesn’t work. We need to ban all male drivers, this is a real issue that, unfortunately, needs to be addressed.