Drives Me Crazy

What drives you crazy?

If you asked me a year ago, I would name a full list of things that drive me crazy, like my husband’s socks on the floor, open toothpaste by the sink with no lid to be find, my PMS, yes that means my period knocking on my door, sticky jam all over my kitchen counter – a message left by my husband for me to know, he had toast with jam for breakfast. But no more, I became fully aware of all this little things driving me crazy are part of being alive, breathing and living life. And by that, I mean my own life, living with my husband and dealing with my own hormones.

But I will tell you, something has been driving me crazy for a year now. I’m frustrated and exhausted from it. I tell you, what really drives me crazy. It calls – Pain and Discomfort. It calls – Mouth ulcers. Never had them before.

I have been suffering from Mouth ulcers on my tongue and I will not post any pictures here, because if you saw it you would go ‘ Ouch’ or ‘ Crap’ and some of you would use some swear word – it would make sense you know, you would understand my pain. Trust me you don’t want to see it. But for those of you, who do not know what mouth ulcers are; they are painful round or oval sores that form in the mouth, most often on the inside of the cheeks or lips. (What I would give for having it on the cheeks or lips instead!) Oral ulcers appear largely for unknown reasons. Mouth ulcers cause pain and discomfort, in my case, having in on my tongue, it unable me to speak, drink and eat. Yes, read it again I said SPEAK – I can’t speak. Only when you get a big sore on your tongue, only then you learn that tongue never stays still. Even when I am not drinking, eating or speaking, even when totally relaxed, the tongue is moving. Through this year I visited few doctors and tried numerous of medicines. From all kinds of gels, mouthwashes, tablets to herbal teas and gargles. And if you know of some kind of remedy, that I haven’t tried yet, please share and I will give it a go. I am so desperate for a treatment, that even if you would try to fool me with some nonsense remedy, you would surely succeed.

It is a painful, unbearable stinging pain, every time my tongue touches teeth or gums or even when I yawn and the tongue’s muscle stretches, it feels like the ulcer is tearing apart deeper. Sneezing is out of this world, as I’m trying to hold my tongue still, to make sure it doesn’t rub against anything in my mouth, I sneeze with my mouth wide open. Yeah, so elegant. Talking became a luxury I cannot afford at the time I have an ulcer. Even my husband misses me talking, how unbelievable. ‘Baby I never seen you so silent’ holding silence for 6 to 7 days, that is a serious time for a talkative person like me. Ulcers come to me now regularly, like every month, are you thinking what Im thinking? Resembles a similar periodic appearance of menstruation, I know.

Well mouth ulcers drive me crazy, I get very frustrated unable to enjoy daily life. Frustrated by the pain and discomfort caused. Sometime I cry from the stinging, burning, agonising, raw pain. Sometimes I cry from the helplessness. Drives me crazy, makes me annoyed, irritated, powerless, frustrated, vulnerable, weak, paralysed, unable, upset and my poor husband then deals with it all.

I think my husband should write a post – She Drives Me Crazy

Read my favourite, highly annoyed Edward Hotspur’s post  here. 

Restricted

“Diabetics – type 2” Dr.Choy said looking at me seriously worried. Yes i have heard it before, but it never sounded so very importantly threatening like it does right now. I sank in my chair, my heart skipped a beat and then I remembered the exact reason why I stopped going doctors. I was worn about it couple of times during my doctor visits, but never really paid much attention to it.

But today was different : “Diabetics type 2” Now, this is not fair at all “type 2” that’s not even my fault, I didn’t cause it! That would be all thanks to great genetics gift from my grandma & uncle- Surprise, surprise I felt victimised. My Doctor continues and tells me in very serious tone to Watch my diet and for the best, change to no carbs diet. Well, I have no slightest idea of what that really means. I’m not sure if this woman in front of me can actually read my mind, she keeps on talking; “No bread, No pasta, No potatoes, No rice …”
Seriously ? why don’t you tell me what I CAN eat  – would not that be easier?
She looked at me death serious. All of a sudden I felt so alone. I felt cheated. I felt life is not fair. I’m 28 with very high tendency of Diabetics. Trust me, I was fine until now !!
I see this Image from my childhood so clear, my uncle with his little briefcase full of insulin pens or injections. Well, that time it was a “briefcase” that made him very special and important in my eyes, since I was not allowed to play with it.

I just couldn’t imagine myself watching what I eat daily. Absolutely Not! Life without French bakery , Italian pasta & pizza, Thai dishes with rice, Indian nan bread, Vietnamese rice paper, Chinese noodles, Japanese sushi! How can I do it? I love to eat!
But I realized it was about the time to try and get more serious about my health also. It hit me! So I got home and searched the Internet to learn everything that I need to know about diabetics. And the best find, out of all the informations I learnt about diabetics is –

I am not alone.

Diabetes-Link